Tuesday, June 3, 2008

How to Overcome Shyness and Become 100% Confident (2)

Let Us Go Deep Into the Problem

Shyness is an uncomfortable feeling that prevents you from being yourself when you are around people.

Different situations and experiences stimulate shyness in different people: what makes you confident might make the next person shy. You may be confident in singing, dancing and making humor but shy in meeting new people.

When you feel shy, you become self-conscious, tensed and nervous. Most times, you are not sure of the right thing to say or do. As a result, you feel reluctant to act and speak.

These reactions are caused mainly by 2 facts;

     i. The mind can smoothly express only one harmonious need at a time.

     ii. A shy person is always (unconsciously) trying to express more than one need at a time. These needs are his need for expression and his fear of acceptance (I will talk more on this as we proceed).

So when you are busy thinking about your words and actions, you cannot at the same time totally focus on the matter at hand. Thus, you react in ways that are inappropriate.

From this, we can infer that shyness starts from the mind.

During social contacts, two things are involved in the mind of a shy person.

    i.  His feeling of insecurity i.e. his fear that what he says or does might not be acceptable and ...

    ii. His needs for social expression i.e. his natural desire to express himself fully; or said in another way, speak his mind.

For some people, it is the clash between these two needs in the mind struggling for attention or awareness that cause the tension. For others, it is simply the fear of acceptance.

Some people react to this fear by simply being cold and passive. While others react to it by talking excessively and saying things they don't mean to say.

Shyness is caused by inexperience. A person who didn't grow up in an environment where he talks to and interacts with the opposite sex would definitely be a shy adult; when it comes to interacting with the opposite sex.

One who did not experience talking in a group while growing up might end up being shy to air his opinion in public.

Shyness can also be caused by a poor self-image and low self-esteem.

Social shyness is caused by fear of what other people think about what you say and do.

It can also be caused by a feeling of dislike for other people. This is because, we tend to reflect the way we feel about other people by what we think they feel about us.

A socially shy person is always afraid of mixing up with people.

Almost all the time, shyness is learnt thus, it can be unlearnt. But, what are the most effective ways of overcoming shyness and becoming 100% confident?

Join me in my next post where I’ll teach you a method that will work for you.

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